what does the disease of addiction mean to me

The disease of addiction means loss of control. It means I will live in my fantasy world more as my primary reality and visit actual reality only when it's necessary. It means I will neglect people and things. It means I will selfishly pursue a feeling of oblivion and ignore my responsibilities. It means my thoughts will be dark and I will ruminate endlessly about the past even though I don't want to. It means that my addiction will have control over me and I will do what is necessary to maintain my addiction lifestyle instead of a lifestyle that is vital and healthy.