Have I been thinking that I have enough information about addiction and recovery to get my behavior under control before it gets out of hand?

Absolutely not. I feel baffled and terrified by my addiction. I feel that I am at the end of the road and that I must rely on others for help and support to get through the experience of being clean. At that same time I struggle with being able to trust other people and open up to them. It is very hard to be vulnerable with other people. Whenever I open myself up to them I immediately want to get away. I feel them trying to get close to me and it makes me very uncomfortable and insecure.