Monday, November 26, 2012
I've done things while acting out on my addiction that I would never do when focusing on recovery. What were they?
I've acted out sexually a lot while drinking. I've stolen from people and broken into my boyfriends house to get his weed. I've cheated on my boyfriend. I've neglected my daughter because I was so busy escaping into fantasies. I once slapped my daughter because I was barfing from alcohol and she kept bugging me. I've been angry toward her because I wanted to watch a movie and drink and she was trying to get my attention. I once pushed her rather hard onto the sofa, and once into a wall. I have been very angry toward people and blamed them for all of my problems. I have neglected people and treated them like they were disposable because I had gotten what I wanted from them. I have slept with other peoples boyfriends to get their alcohol and drugs. I have slept with guys I didn't even like as a means to continue getting high and drunk. I have neglected my house and my own cleanliness. I have gone to work stoned and acted very irresponsibly as an employee. I have been very emotionally immature in many situations. I have behaved in a very jealous way and gotten involved with people who were abusive. I stayed in an abusive relationship with Mark for years because I figured I was better off with the devil I knew. I neglected my career, choosing to work in menial jobs because they offered more free time to drink and get high. I dragged my daughter all over the country from one job to another. Sometimes even when I was at the same job I was move her from one place to another, forcing her to change schools. I've neglected my daughters need to have a healthy breakfast and regular showers. I went on a mission to find a sperm donor for the express purpose of not wanting to share my daughter with anyone. I drank to the point where I would not be able to care for my daughter if something had happened to her. I passed out and could not wake up when my daughter tried to wake me.
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