How does the self-centered part of my disease affect my life and the lives of those around me.

I can be very selfish and I lose a lot of my energy so I will withdraw socially and disconnect from everyone unless I don't have this option. For example, I need to be available to my daughter and to people at work to some degree. Additionally I consider people to either be useful or not. I do not feel any connectedness to them so I need to have a rational reason for being around them. When I am with people I generally analyze the interaction trying to figure out what they are trying to get from me and why they want to communicate with me. I am very disconnected from my feelings. I keep a wall around myself to prevent anyone from getting a energetic connection with me because I think this makes me less vulnerable. However when someone does manage to connect with me I can not handle the connection in a mature way, and will tend to fantasize about the person and ruminate about our history. Since the other person does not understand their role in my fantasy life they can be surprised by the extreme emotions I then have about our relationship. My feelings about other people are primarily paranoid and devoid of connection. I image that people experience me to be disconnected and unpredictable. I avoid other people and I have not been able to create any friendships. When I am with others I judge everything they do and say to figure them out and determine if they are good enough and safe enough to be around. However as all people are flawed I am unable to find anyone at all who is safe enough to let it. My need for plutonic friendships morphs into a need to romantic relationships because I have had some success with those. I do this by offering myself up sexually to a partner and hoping that some emotional connection is created. I view other people as a source of getting my needs met. I view my emotional needs as being inconvenient and scary. Therefor I use others to get what I need from them to the degree that I need it and then I discard them. I frequently seek out sexual partners that will inevitably leave me or do something that will give me a reason to leave them. This makes the disposal process more convenient.